Raj Utopia: Songs, Stories and Odd Entertainment from Raj

Essays, Videos, Screenplays & More!

INTRO: Fade up on...

This page features screenplays and scripts for a variety of projects, some short films, a horror-host cable TV show, and who-knows-what-else. If you like one of these scripts, get in touch with me, I might put you in pictures, kid! (Casting Couch audition not required)

Pawn- the first four pages

PAWN

By Raj Upadhyay

© MVIII Utopian Productions

EERIE MUSIC (old 78’s) over black screen.

FADE UP ON TRACKING SHOT OF THE CONTENTS OF A PAWNSHOP DISPLAY CASE. Dimly lit old photographs, medals, rusty guns, and knives. Superimposed credits fade in and out.

CAMERA PANS UP AND AWAY to pawn shop window. We see the reverse image of the words "White’s Pawn Shop". "PAWN" (title) appears in red.

FADE TO BLACK

FADE UP ON PAWN SHOP INTERIOR.

FADE UP: PAWN SHOP INT. CLOSE UP on bell over entry door. Door opens and bell rings. PAN DOWN to JESSE BARNES entering shop. A cat jumps down. (cat in shop) An older gentleman, THE PAWNBROKER sits behind the counter reading an old leather bound volume. Neither says anything. After letting JESSE browse for awhile the pawnbroker, speaks

WHITE

May I help you?

JESSE

I’m throwing a Halloween party and I’m looking for some creepy old stuff to decorate with. I heard that you guys had all kinds of creepy stuff in here

WHITE

Oh yes, you wouldn’t believe…, If you want to put the fright into someone, I have just the thing! (WHITE goes over to the wall and takes down an old Ouija board). This is the genuine article, an honest to (smiles)… a real Ouija board! It actually works!

JESSE

What do you mean?

WHITE

(Excited, leering,) I mean you can actually contact the sprit world! It is worth every penny of the asking price and more!

JESSE

Maybe you should come to the party. You could liven things up with that act!

WHITE

It’s no act. It’s real Ouija! Try it you’ll see!

JESSE

Okaay, You’re the boss (hands WHITE a bill)

FADE TO BLACK

FADE UP on Jesse’s House EXT.

decorated for Halloween, drunk revelers in costume leaving, getting into cars, the last stragglers, A DOG BARKS

RANDOM DRUNK DUDE

 "Great Party, guy"

JESSE

 "Thanks man, drive drunk"

(turning to dog in next yard) SHUT UP!

JESSE goes inside and we see the mess left after a party, empty cans and battles, dregs of snacks in bowls, some cheesy Halloween CD playing, a couple making out in the corner, a couple of guys passing a joint on the couch.

JESSE

"Shit! I forgot about the freakin’ Ouija board!"

The couple making out stop. They look up and then go back to necking. One of the smokers on the couch KEITH CLARENCE speaks:

KEITH

 "What about it?"

JESSE

I bought a Ouija board I was going to put up for a decoration or see if someone wanted to play it"

KEITH

 "I’m in!" (looks at his smoking buddy (TOMMY HATHCOCK)

TOMMY

(agreeing) "what the hell"

KEITH

(To the couple in the corner DON BISHOP and JULIE HEISINGER (Tommy’s half-sister)) "Hey, lovebirds, c’mon, let’s get our Ouija on!"

DON

 "That’s all right, man, we’re good"

KEITH

 "Y’all can do that shit at home"

TOMMY:

 "Yeah, man, get your tongue out of my sister and have some real fun"

JULIE

 "Shut up, Tommy!"

KEITH

 "You know we ain’t gonna let you go back to your mono-spreadin’ so you might as well come on now; get it over with" (Couple grudgingly disentangle themselves)

JESSE

 "Jeez man, I wasn’t that into it when I was twelve!"

DISSOLVE TO SUN PORCH INT.

Candlelight flickers on the blurred image of figures hunched over a table.

Indeterminate voices:

"Spirits of the dead, we summon you"

Camera starts to pan.

OFF CAMERA VOICE (KEITH):

"Can I get another beer?"

OFF CAMERA VOICE (JESSE):

"Yeah, right behind you… in that little fridge"

Camera pans to reveal that the image is the reflection from the glass wall of the sun porch/Florida room where these yahoos are conducting their séance.

JESSE

"Here, we go! Spirits of the night, we call on thee to come to our…room" (laughter) "spirits of the Halloween gods enter and speak"

JULIE

"Don gets your hands back on that table!"

DON

"They ain’t my hands, baby, it must be Ebenezer Crane under there!"

TOMMY

"Y’all never quit do ya? Oughta be sterilized."

JESSE

"C’mon y’all, if you don’t wanna do this I can put it up"

KEITH

Naw, I wanna do it, let’s let these lovebirds fly and we’ll get down to it"

JULIE

"Naw, we’ll stay, Don is gonna behave, aren’t you D?"

DON

"For now"

JESSE

" I swear fo’ God you two are gonna make me puke. Get a room for chrissakes!"

TOMMY

"You might have noticed that nobody here has a date, so maybe you want to quit throwing it up in our faces" (this seems to calm them down)

KEITH

"All right, Maestro, you were saying?"

JESSE

(pouty) "I ain’t in the mood no more" (laughter all around) "okay… here goes… Demons from the other side we call you forth on this evil of nights, where we can…"

BANG! The door flies open, flooding the room with light, the candles blow out, all shield their eyes from the sudden glare.

A Voice screeches:

"You call on hell and you’re gonna get it!"(Edna enters)

JESSE

"Jesus Christ, Edna, you scared the shit out of us!"

EDNA

"wanna watch that language? You’re gonna cuss, use the lord’s name in vain, and work that devil board all at once. No sir, that will not do. Not in my house"

JESSE

It ain’t your house Edna…

EDNA

You want me out? I’ll go right now! I’d rather live in the street than with devil worshippers"

JESSE

No, no, now, that’s all right Edna, we’re putting it away now

EDNA

No, You’re throwing it away. I will not sleep under the same roof with that thing

JESSE

(shaking head) All right, All right, I’m taking it out. (hands it to Keith)

EDNA

See that you do, (to crowd)and ain’t it time you folks went home?

KEITH:

Great party, Jess!

TOMMY

Yeah Jess, we gotta go

All get up and start grabbing their jackets

EDNA

"You throw that thing out, Jesse"

KEITH:

Yeah, yeah"

CUT TO SUN ROOM EXT. gang emerging

KEITH

"You guys want a ride?"

DON

"We’re okay"

JULIE looks quizzically at him

JULIE

(Under breath to Don) "You can’t come back to my house"

Keith and Thomas get into Keith’s car, Don waves, as soon as they are out of sight, Don dangles a set of keys

JULIE

"What’s that?

DON

"The garage keys" (points out back, camera PAN to GARAGE EXT.)

JULIE

"No, Don, Jesse’s gonna flip. He’s got all his music stuff out there, you know how he is."

DON

"Well. I’m going back there and you can come or not it’s up to you"

JULIE

"You sent our ride away, genius. Let’s go back inside the house"

DON

"Okay, but what do you say to a quick pit stop?"

JULIE

"Well, come on then…, you’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?"

They enter the garage and shut the door behind them

Camera pans UP to moon. Fade to black. Fade up on moon. PAN DOWN to Julie tiptoeing out if the garage. She walks behind the shed. Hiking her skirt and squatting, suddenly a gloved hand goes over her mouth as she is grabbed from behind and dragged. Fade to black

OFF CAMERA a woman SCREAMS

Cut to Jesse sitting up in bed, wondering if it was a dream or not, He gets up to investigate and walks past Edna’s room, asleep on the bed, with a gospel channel talking about

TV PREACHER VOICEOVER

"getting right with God"

He walks past and enters the living room. There is a black and white horror movie on TV.

VOICE ON TV

Oh, Johhny it was terrible, it was like… it wasn’t even human!

He shakes his head and points the clicker

Cut to Ext of house as blue light of TV goes off in the living room, then the bedroom. Pan along the side of the house, then the driveway in a continuous shot, to the garage/shed door standing open on the empty room.

"Dr. Equinox and the esteem engine": This is the pilot for a show in the tradition of Bowman Body shock theatre, Dr. Madblood, Shilling Shockers, et al. Read on, if you dare! Mwuuuuuuhaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!

THE DARK ROOM

Pilot Episode:

Dr. Equinox and the Esteem Engine

by Raj Upadhyay

© MMX Dark Room Developments

Title card over intro music, "Living dead man" instrumental opening

FADE UP on a dungeon-like castle room with lab equipment

ANGELINA: An attractive young woman in a lab coat is looking at her nails,

chewing gum and talking on a cell phone in a New Yawk accent.

ANGELINA

…I know, right? And did you see her hair?!

ENTER: DOCTOR EQUINOX: A crazy haired mad scientist type in a lab coat

and glasses enters he is trailed by IDWARD: A demonic- Igor- werewolf- renfeildhenchman

type

ANGELINA

(to phone) Gotta run, the Mad Scientist is here (Hangs up)

DR. EQUINOX

Angelina, I am not a Mad Scientist, I am a genius. You know, they say that there

is a fine line between genius and insanity

ANGELINA

Yes, doctor, and you crossed that line a loooong time ago

DR. EQUINOX

So, you do understand. If the fools out there cannot recognize my genius, they

are the ones who are mad

ANGELINA

Whatever you say, Dr. E, You’re the boss.

DR. EQUINOX

Only here, but soon… soon the world will…never mind…

IDWARD

Conquest!

DR. EQUINOX

Oh Idward, my boy, now you know that we work here to better humanity.

ANGELINA

That’s why you got that menagerie in the back?

DR. EQUINOX

Que?

ANGELINA

All the mutants and such? … Your failed experiments?

DR. EQUINOX

There is no failure in science. Edison found a thousand ways NOT to make a

light bulb before he found the right way. I have found a few dozen ways NOT to

make a perfect human being

IDWARD

…Or a girl robot

DR. EQUINOX

I haven’t heard any complaints about the Zeta-Jones 5000 that went missing

from the store room

IDWARD

I do have a complaint, last night I got a chemical burn on my…

DR. EQUINOX

(interrupting) Serves you right, I told you she had a leaky gasket

ANGELINA

(Scoffs) “She”! Have either of you freaks ever thought about dating a real girl?

Idward and Doc look at each other with puzzled expressions and then smirk,

shaking their heads.

DR. EQUINOX

Angelina, you know I have children

ANGELINA

Children of the night?

IDWARD

I like children!

ANGELINA

Never mind, what’s the experiment doc?

DR. EQUINOX

This week I am working on an Esteem generator

ANGELINA

A Steam Generator? What is this 1875?

DR. EQUINOX

Es-teem, feeling good about yourself, I notice that Idward here has low self

esteem and I do not know why

IDWARD

Perhaps it is because whenever I …

DR. EQUINOX

Silence, fool, no one wishes to hear your inane ramblings

IDWARD hangs head in shame

DR. EQUINOX

So, anyway, I have developed a self-esteem generator. It says phrases designed

to make a person feel good about themselves. Have you heard of the Chinese

Room argument? It will be like talking to a real human.

ANGELINA

Have you ever thought about talking to, oh, I don’t know, A Real Human?

DR. EQUINOX and IDWARD both smirk and shake their heads

DR. EQUINOX

Go ahead, try it out

ANGELINA

Thanks anyway

DR. EQUINOX

You try it, Idward

IDWARD

I’m shy around girls

DR. EQUINOX

She’s not a girl

ANGELINA

She is to him

DR. EQUINOX

Here, allow me to demonstrate, (speaking to machine) Hello, Brigitte

ESTEEM ENGINE

(in a warm female voice) Hello, you’re looking good

ANGELINA

Brigitte? Jeez doc, not that again. Brigitte Bardot is even older than you and she

hates men… and didn’t she marry a Nazi or something?

DR. EQUINOX

So it’s okay for Jesse James but not for me?

IDWARD

I like Bridget… from Disney Channel

ANGELINA

On second thought, I change my mind, you creeps should never, ever, ever talk

to real people.

IDWARD and DR. EQUINOX look at each other and nod approvingly

DR. EQUINOX

Try it out

ANGELINA

Hi, Computer girl

ESTEEM ENGINE

Wow! You’re really pretty!

ANGELINA

Hey! I think I might get to like this thing

DR. EQUINOX

You try it, Iddie

IDWARD

Well….

DR. EQUINOX

Go ahead

IDWARD

Hey Brigitte, would you like to see my new chemical burns?

ESTEEM ENGINE

That sounds soooo interesting

IDWARD

(Giggles deliriously)

ANGELINA

Well, Doc, I got to hand it to you, this one worked out pretty well, but how is it

going to help you with world domination?

DR. EQUINOX

Darling Angelina, I am not interested in dominating the world, only in creating a

utopian paradise where we do not have to endure the prattling of nincompoops

and naysayers

ANGELINA

I keep forgetting

IDWARD

I forgot something, too. I need to rub more ointment on my burn

ESTEEM ENGINE

That sounds soooooo interesting

DR. EQUINOX

Tell her about it later….now, it is video time, Tonight we watch a film that should

have been a classic but has been forgotten in place of inferior trash, like this topgrossing

“Titanic”, feh!

ANGELINA

You haven’t even seen Titanic

DR. EQUINOX

I don’t have to, I know what happens: the boat sinks.

(To camera:) There, I just saved you a Netflix rental and now you don’t have to

listen to Celine Dion. You may thank me later.

Now, tonight’s feature

Fade to black

(Voiceover) ESTEEM ENGINE

I love what you’ve done with the place

Show film

Intermission

DR. EQUINOX

The esteem generator is not producing the desired results

ANGELINA

Another failure?

DR. EQUINOX

There is no failure in science

IDWARD

I failed Science

ESTEEM ENGINE

That says a lot for you!

DR. EQUINOX

You see, she does not seem to be understanding what we are saying, she is

prattling on mindlessly like Angelina’s little phone friends. Her answers are not

boosting our self-esteem.

ESTEEM ENGINE

I couldn’t have done it without you

DR. EQUINOX

There! You see what I mean

ANGELINA

I think she’s working out just fine

ESTEEM ENGINE

Have you been working out?

DR. EQUINOX

Charming

ESTEEM ENGINE

I love what you’ve done with the place

DR. EQUINOX

I don’t understand why she’s malfunctioning

ESTEEM ENGINE

Go get ‘em tiger, you can do it

DR. EQUINOX

We are going to call the repair guy

ANGELINA

Someone who knows what they’re doing?

ESTEEM ENGINE

That sounds like a great idea

DR. EQUINOX

Why does she work for you and not for me?

ANGELINA

Maybe she’s smarter than you realize

ESTEEM ENGINE

Have you been working out, you’re looking really good

ANGELINA

…and maybe not

DR. EQUINOX

(to camera): We are going to call a technician, you go back to enjoying our film

Back to film

End credits of film roll

Fade up on LAB

DR. EQUINOX

There, wasn’t that better than some “Hollywood Blockbuster”?

REAPERMAN comes onto set:

REAPER-MAN

I think I found the problem

IDWARD

What is it?

REAPER-MAN

Well someone stuck something into her exhaust port, got some kind of ointment

all up in her inner workings,

IDWARD

Exhaust port!

DR. EQUINOX

Idward, you idiot!

IDWARD

Doctor I have some new burns, may I have more ointment?

ESTEEM ENGINE

I want to hear all about it!

DR. EQUINOX

Friends, this experiment has not gone as well as planned, but come back next

week when perhaps we will be able to get things up and running

ESTEEM ENGINE

You don’t look a day over sixty

DR. EQUINOX Shakes head

Screen fades to black

ESTEEM ENGINE (Voiceover)

Is that a new blouse? You look so perky!

Credits Roll

Fade up on

DR. EQUINOX sitting and brooding

IDWARD

Another failed experiment, eh, boss?

DR. EQUINOX

Science is a cruel mistress

IDWARD

Do you want to do that thing that you like, you know, the tension relieving thing

DR. EQUINOX

It seems the only way to exorcise the demon of despair that grows within me

IDWARD

I will summon the others

DR. EQUINOX

(yelling to someone off camera) Angelina, Fetch me my microphone

ANGELINA (Off camera:)

I’m not you dog, Doctor Equinox, fetch it yourself

DR. EQUINOX

(to camera): Join me in the soundproof dungeon, won’t you?

CUT TO: Castle dungeon Jam Room, with Monster band set up

DR. Equinox and the Domo-nators

Play the song of the week (Murders in the Rue Morgue)

Finish song go into Living dead man

Fades to black as credits for show roll and music ends

 

 

Upcoming Events

No upcoming events

Recent Blog Entries

by Raj | 0 comments
by Raj | 0 comments
by Raj | 0 comments

Recent Videos

297 views - 0 comments